The Real Housewife of Santa Monica

Regardless of how you feel about this holiday, these yummy cupcakes will bring happiness to anyone who eats one!

Here’s what you need:

CUPCAKE INGREDIENTS:
2-1/2 c cake flour
1-1/2 c sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 TBSP cocoa powder
1 tsp salt
2 large eggs
1-1/2 c vegetable oil
1 c buttermilk (how to make buttermilk if you’re out!)
2 TBSP red liquid food coloring
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp distilled white vinegar

For the frosting:

FROSTING INGREDIENTS:
8 oz cream cheese
5 TBSP unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 tsp vanilla extract
2-1/2 c confectioners’ sugar, sifted

Let’s do this!

1. Preheat oven to 350. Line cupcake pans.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk together cake flour, sugar, baking soda, cocoa powder and salt.

3. In a large bowl, combine eggs, vegetable oil, buttermilk, food coloring, vanilla, and vinegar. Beat on medium speed until well blended. Add dry ingredients a cup at a time, blending all the while, about 2 minutes.

4. Pour batter into lined pans.
Hoo boy – that looks weird pouring out of that spoon.

Pop into oven.

5. Bake for about 18 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool in pans for 5-10 minutes.

6. Now make the frosting! Combine the cream cheese and butter with a mixer until smooth, about 2-3 minutes. Mix in vanilla extract. Slowly add confectioners’ sugar and continue mixing until smooth.
Hooooooooooooo boyyyyyy! At this point I realized I accidentally threw in the entire stick of butter. Yes, 3 extra tablespoons. Let’s see if anyone notices…

7. Frost/decorate as desired!
I made these little bugs by hand to match the cupcake liners. It was really easy, I just had to create the design in Illustrator, then print on custom cut labels, and stick to toothpicks.

HAHAHAHAA!!!! ‘Course I didn’t do that! I bought them at Ralph’s for like $1.00 a few weeks ago. I was prolly there buying dishwasher rinse or something sexy like that.

Remember this cupcake thief from last September?

Alright, FINE!!! A cupcake for breakfast…just this once.

From Annie’s Eats.

We’ve cut back on sugar and desserts this year, saving them only for special occasions, treats & bribes. But once in a while you just want to eat some chocolate chip cookies (‘specially while you’re waiting for the Thin Mints to arrive…) I figure homemade must be healthier than store bought so here we go…

Let me tell you right away: leave a couple sticks of butter out a few hours ahead of time. I just leave them out the night before but you could take them out when you get home from work & then make the cookies after dinner too.

Also, there are a couple of oddball ingredients in here. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em!! But if you don’t have ‘em – don’t worry about it!

Here’s what you need:

Some of that stuff is optional so don’t get stressed out looking at it!

INGREDIENTS:
1 c butter, softened
1 c firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 c white sugar
2 eggs (I used egg replacer which reduced the cholesterol & no chickens were harmed – except knowing my luck, the truck carrying the boxes of egg replacer ran over a truck of chickens)
2 tsp vanilla extract
2-1/4 c all-purpose flour
1 tsp (heaping) instant coffee granules (I accidentally used 2 TBSP and loved the result!)
1 tsp baking soda
1-1/2 tsp salt
2 TBSP ground flax seeds (OPTIONAL)
3/4 c semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 c (heaping) milk chocolate chips (or use just one kind of choc. chip)

Hopefully you are already excited about the amount of chocolate chips in this recipe. Yayy for chocolate chips!

1. Preheat oven to 375.

2. In a LARGE bowl, stir together butter, brown sugar & white sugar until combined.

Add egg replacer & vanilla, stirring to combine thoroughly.

Best thing about using egg replacer instead of eggs is that you can taste the raw dough without that pesky salmonella worry in the back of your mind!

3. In a medium bowl, whisk dry ingredients together.

Don’t ask me why I had instant coffee. I think Tim & Liana picked it up when we were camping last Memorial Day weekend. I’m glad they did!

The whisk is nothing but a blur!

4. Add flax seed if desired. I add this to everything – smoothies, cookies, breads etc. Here’s the Mayo Clinic’s take on flax seed.

It looks so healthy but you really won’t notice it.

5. Add chocolate chips

& stir to combine evenly.

6. Drop balls of dough onto a cookie sheet and bake for 11-13 minutes.

I cooled them on wire racks. I also ate a few to test them.

Slightly adapted from The Pioneer Woman.

*Photo from this site!

Since Jack & Patsy have been staying on Main Street, we’ve been meeting the food trucks on the corner of Main Street and Ocean Park Blvd. most Tuesday nights. There are about 5 food trucks – that change every week.

It’s in the parking lot of The Victorian,

*photo taken from this site!

this place I’ve walked by for the past 10 years without going inside. Though known for their weddings & events, they also have a teee-rific and surprisingly kid-friendly happy hour!

G and I looooooooooove us some happy hour – ‘specially with the kids since we need to get out early anyway.

Say, what’s the difference between Happy Hour and Early Bird Special?

Anyway, The Victorian lets you munch your food at their outdoor patio tables as long as you buy a drink or two. (Actually – I don’t know if you are required to buy a drink or not but we sure do!) There’s live music outside, it’s totally kid friendly, & the happy hour menu is terrific!

Last night I toted the kids down on the bus in a TORRENTIAL downpour (read: sprinkling) to find a fuchsia sign warning that the food trucks were rescheduled for Wednesday due to rain. No way was I going to wait 15 minutes for the bus in the rainstorm (mist) with a struggling 1 year old, stroll home to make dinner, do dishes & mop up thrown food from the walls, floor and myself! Instead we headed inside the Victorian to the bar on the main floor. There is really only seating for three groups there. It was us, another couple with a toddler, and a poor couple without kids. I mean, not that they were poor for not having kids. Or that they had financial problems of any sort. Well, you know what I mean.

The live music act – Christopher Hawley Rollers was inside hiding from the rain & playing some classic and oldies covers as well as their own stuff. Instead of being bummed about playing for Romper Room (hoo boy, did I just date myself), these guys handed out stickers & gave the kids all kinds of attention! And the kids noticed it too. On one of the more somber songs Maddie leaned over and confided in me, “This kind of song makes you cry and feel scared.” She had a point. Anyway, these guys are cool and are there every Tues. night from now until time immemorial. As Mr. Hawley himself reminded me, “They (the kids) ARE our future fans!”

We had a big time there last night! So good that despite numerous pre-bus temper tantrums, some paint-eating, diaper explosions and various wardrobe changes, we headed right back down again tonight. Today was a beautiful (February) summer day so we sat outside and boy, did we love it!

Patsy, I just noticed you don’t have your Tom’s on. You trying to get yourself kicked out of Santa Monica or something?

There’s G at the Buttermilk Truck. He scored some red velvet pancakes with a mocha whipped cream. Holy heart attack!! Soooooooooooo good…

G and kid under the white lights!

This is some kind of fake chicken sandwich from the Gardein food truck. Tasty and the fries were most definitely NOT fake – not the potatoes, the garlic or the oil they were fried in. Yum!

Mother of Pearl! I failed to snap a pic of Patsy’s heart attack on a plate. She got a Buttermilk Brick. A Buttermilk Brick consists of:
- Hashbrowns
- 2 eggs over easy
- a buttermilk biscuit
all smothered under house made chorizo gravy.

Check out their menu to see more…

TUESDAY NIGHT FOOD TRUCKS/HAPPY HOUR @ The Victorian
5-8PM
Half off most of the food menu (i.e. salads, pizzas, tacos, lobster roll, hummus plate, cheese plate etc.)
$2 off all beers
$5 wines (selected ones)
cocktail specials

Parking is free in the lot by the Victorian BUT it fills up fast! Or you can take the bus and get dropped off by ZJ Boarding House.

You can sit in the patio or just inside the front door with your food truck food! There are heaters & couches as well as live music. You can also sit in the grass across the driveway near the CA Heritage Museum and bring a blanket, your own beverages & chairs. There are heaters over there too for you thin-blooded types!

I love mushrooms!! I haven’t cooked with them for years because *someone* doesn’t “dig on fungus.” But now that *someone* is working late a lot, and *someone’s* parents are in town and unable to eat anything with too much vitamin K in it (thanks, a lot, Blood Thinner!) I decided to cook them again! Why not? After all, he usually strolls in around 11PM claiming to have eaten at work anyway… This dish should be classified as an adult dinner due to the alcohol content. It may have burned off but it sure didn’t taste like it did. Or it sure did taste like it didn’t!

This is pretty easy – I chopped the mushrooms & onions ahead of time during someone’s (not my) nap. Let’s get started! You’ll need:

INGREDIENTS:
24 oz (weight) mushrooms, thickly sliced (I used crimini) (Baby Bellas are recommended but they were $$$ so I got crimini)
4 TBSP olive oil (2 for roasting mushrooms & 2 for sautéing onions)
1 large onion, peeled & sliced
1 c dry white wine
3/4 c whiskey (or another 3/4 c white wine if you don’t have whiskey)
1/2 c vegetable broth (I used bullion)
1 c heavy cream salt & pepper to taste
12 oz pasta, cooked al dente (I actually used the whole 16 oz bag so that I’d have extra “noonles” for the kids.)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Drizzle mushrooms with olive oil, sprinkle salt & pepper on top. Roast for about 20-25 minutes. Drain & set aside.

Gorgeous, earthy little shrooms…

While they’re roasting, stand back & observe your child or pet.

If you don’t have a child or a pet, lie down on the pristine couch with Bravo TV on and be happy.

2. In a large pot, heat remaining olive oil over medium heat. Add sliced onions & saute for 4-5 minutes or until translucent.

Forgive the ugly lighting as I took it at night (I prepped the veggies during the day!) and do not have my lighting down yet:

Check on kids every once in a while.

Yes! Dinner is almost done!

3. Add wine & whiskey. I used Charles Shaw b/c we have a lot since Patsy’s visiting & Maker’s Mark (which is probably a little too “nice”) since we have loads as it’s G and his dad’s trademark father-son drink.

Ode to Patsy:

Ode to Jack:

Let this concoction bubble for a few minutes. Add the broth and let it reduce for another few minutes. (You can use vegetable or mushroom broth. I was out so I used Vegetarian Chicken Flavored Bullion added to water. It’s LOADED with sodium so I use caution and add much less than its label advises.) You are now up to 2 sets of a few minutes. About 4-5 minutes according to my calculations. Now add cream and reduce heat to low. Add mushroom, salt & pepper. Allow to simmer until it thickens.

Reserve a little of your pasta water in case sauce needs thinning after you’ve added pasta. Add cooked pasta & toss together! Season with salt & pepper to taste. Delicious & not for the Designated Driver.

Slightly adapted from The Pioneer Woman.

Final verdict: the kids picked out & ate only the noodles. Although Maddie likes mushrooms, she likes them alone. She is definitely not French. But why would she be?

Oh, and guess who strolled in early & hungry that night? None other than *someone.* D’OH!

Growing up, whenever I heard we were having eggplant for dinner my mood would darken in anticipation of that tough disc of chewy-yet-slimy eggplant hidden under formerly friendly elements like tomato sauce & parmesan cheese. God bless my mom, and I sure do miss her and REALLY appreciate all she did for me (‘specially now that I have kids!) but I don’t think eggplant was her specialty. Is that wrong to say?

This recipe takes care of all the problems: the tough/chewiness, the slime & the sheer mass of the slices. It also lets the eggplant do its job: soak up all the flavors! I love this recipe! It’s basically an extra special baked ziti that’s easy to make!

Btw: it got really dark out when I was shooting my ingredients. I’m ’bout to run to OSH for a clip lamp tomorrow but since Bea’s asleep, let’s overlook the imperfections! This recipe is totally worth it.

Here’s (mostly) what you need:

You’ll notice I have only 1 eggplant in the picture – but the recipe calls for 2 LARGE eggplants and I recommend you use that amount if you can! While I was shopping for some of the ingredients, my kids were hollering for those little Horizon chocolate milks that I buy so they can take a sip or two before squeezing it up and over their hair/shirts/shoes/my purse & the shopping cart. I said no causing one of them to scream so loudly she peed her own pants IN the shopping cart. So I bought only 1 eggplant by mistake.

Use 2 large eggplants for best results! And quit blaming your kids for all your problems!

INGREDIENTS:
2 large firm eggplants (each about 1.25 lbs)
2 TBSP coarse salt (plus more for pasta & sauce) – You can really use regular salt if you don’t have coarse but you’ll need less.
6 TBSP olive oil
2 cloves garlic, peeled & sliced
(1) 35-oz can peeled Italian plum tomatoes, lightly crushed in their juices
1 tsp crushed hot red pepper
1 lb ziti
1 c grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
1 c fresh basil leaves, shredded
1/2 lb (1 c) ricotta cheese
8 oz Fontina cheese, sliced thin

A note before I start: this dish can be served as a hot pasta dish from a bowl OR you can go right ahead and bake it. The Fontina cheese is for the baking option. It’s delicious both ways!

First, cut the stems off the eggplants. Then peel 1″ wide strips of skin off the eggplant leaving about half the peel intact. In other words, peel 1″ then leave 1″ then peel 1″ etc. so it looks like it has stripes going down it longways.

Then dice the eggplant, toss with 2 TBSP coarse salt (or about 1 TBS regular salt) in a medium bowl (SAVE THE BOWL!! You can use it again before washing.) and drain in a colander for an hour. Rinse it under cool water & pat dry.

Preheat oven to 400. Using that same bowl you SAVED, toss the eggplant with about 3 TBS olive oil & spread on a baking sheet in an even layer.

Bake for about 20-25 minutes or until browned. Turn with a spatula as needed (or don’t if you forget!) When eggplant is done, just set it aside.

Next, do two things at once:

1. Set your pasta water to boil in a large pot. You’ll be combining all your ingredients in here in about 15 minutes so make sure it’s large enough. I always start the water unsalted with the lid on as it boils faster. Then I add the salt. You see, the salt slows down the boiling.
2. In a large skillet, heat your remaining 3 TBS olive oil.

Can you handle the multi-tasking?

While your water is heating up, add the garlic slices

to the olive oil for about 3 minutes, until golden. Be sure to move/stir them every so often.

Add the tomatoes. Note Ralphs’ moxxi re: the knock-off San Marzano tomatoes. Well done, Ralphs!

(In re-reading this, I just realized that is an inside joke between me, myself & I. You see, the original recipe advises you to use San Marzano tomatoes if possible. Well, Ralphs didn’t have them and I’m not the type of person to race off to Whole Foods or Bay Cities JUST for that!! Anyway, I laffed a little to myself when I saw this label.)

Snooty!

Incidentally, it was only a 28 oz can so I had to supplement with some from another can. Don’t let these things worry you a’tall!

Add the red pepper flakes, bring to a boil and then simmer for about 10 minutes. Be sure to stir occasionally. Add salt if needed – mine didn’t.

Your water should be hot now! Add the ziti, stir & add the salt of you haven’t done so already. Set timer! I like mine al dente so I set it for 1 minute under recommended cooking time.

It’s all coming together!

Drain the pasta & return it to the pot.

Pour in all but about 1/2 cup of sauce (unless you don’t plan to bake it) & toss lightly.

Yes, the original recipe asks you to save 1/4 c but I think you need a little more.

Stir in 3/4 c of the parmesan cheese.

And the basil.

Gently stir in the eggplant. (Of course I did this in the wrong order but through the magic of computers I am switching the order for your benefit.) There is a reason for the order!

Add heaping spoonfuls of the ricotta.

Stir minimally into the pasta. The point of this is to heat the ricotta, not combine it completely as you’ll want little pockets of ricotta to remain in the end product!

Now: you can serve it as is OR you can bake it. I baked it this time.

If you want to bake it, pour it into a 13×11″ baking dish.

Doesn’t this look so good?

Arrange the slices of fontina across the top.

Add the remaining tomato sauce atop the cheese slices, then sprinkle remaining parmesan cheese.

Bake until the edges are bubbling and cheese is lightly browned. About 20-30 minutes.

Enjoy!

From Lidia’s Italian-American Kitchen, by Lidia Bastianich